On Getting Past No

Not long after New Years, I called my health insurance administrator because I hadn’t received my new card. Per my insurance plan requirements, I have to re-enroll each year. So several weeks before this call, I had done just that. I completed the renewal process online and called to confirm a few times. So you can imagine my concern when I still hadn’t received my insurance card several days into the New Year. 

On the call, I was met by a customer service rep who’s only job, it seemed, was to tell me no.  No, my application wasn’t complete. No, I didn’t have insurance. And no, there was nothing she could do about it.  

This string of no’s didn’t make sense to me. Partly because two other customer service reps told me the exact opposite when I called to confirm my application. But also because my insurer never notified me that there was a problem. And they send me notices for everything. I have an overworked shredder to prove it.   

Despite explaining all this to the customer service agent, she proceeded to go back and forth with me for the next 20 minutes. She explained to me the “law.” (As a lawyer, this is always helpful to hear, especially when most of the people explaining the “law” to you haven’t even read the statute.) She also told me that, even though I had no way of knowing that my application was incomplete, it was still my issue. I was uninsured. 

It seems like whenever we are trying to resolve a problem in life or in business, there is someone on the front lines telling us no. From customer service reps to agents and assistants, these frontline folks repeat no to you like their life depends on it. 

But here’s the rub. Even though these frontline folks talk with you as if they are the final arbiters on your issue, they are not. Their no does not mean no. It means you have to get past them to an actual decision-maker to even begin to have a meaningful conversation about your concern. 

 If you need to get past that initial no on something in your business, here are a few tips:

The Cheat

There is a way to game the system and bypass a gatekeeper that works 99.9% of the time. That’s hiring a lawyer. This may seem self-serving but hear me out.

Once a lawyer gets involved, companies and people respond. They just do. (I think it may be our reputation for, you know, suing people). They also tend to want to resolve an issue as soon as possible. So if you can afford it, the first thing you should do when attempting to resolve an issue of consequence is to ask your attorney to write a letter of representation or demand letter. 

For me, the ability to cut through the B.S. and discuss my issue with someone who has the power to change it from the outset, almost makes my exorbitant student loan payments worth it. So if you can swing it, hire a lawyer and any gatekeepers will be removed from the conversation entirely.

Don’t Yell or Threaten

You can display frustration without screaming and yelling. And idol threats don’t frighten anyone. So no matter what the customer service rep says to you, avoid yelling and screaming at all costs. Those tactics do not help your cause. People tend to help people they like. So being authenticate and respectful will get you farther than any threat could hope to do.

Seek Information First

The person with the most information in the room wins the room. So when attempting to bypass a gatekeeper seek as much information as possible first. Ask questions about policies, standards, and practices. Using this information you can begin to talk with the gatekeeper about why you are an exception to those rules.

Find Common Ground

Even though the resolution of your issue might seem binary, there are many sides of any negotiation. Using the information you just gathered, talk with the gatekeeper about areas where both parties agree first. By identifying areas of agreement, gatekeepers begin to understand your position and start to look for more creative ways to solve your problem. 

Don’t Get Personal

Keep all discussions about your concerns focused on the issue you want to resolve not the person on the other end of the phone. When you attack people personally, they get defensive and fight back. This makes them unwilling to think creatively about ways to help you. They will be too busy beating you instead.

Give Options

Once you’ve identified the many sides of a negotiation, you’ll also begin to think of several ways to resolve your concern. Share those ideas with the gatekeeper. If given multiple options, people tend to choose at least one. But if there is only one option for resolution, there is a higher likelihood that the answer will be no.

So what ended up happening with my health insurance issue? I used the advice above (save the cheat), and my call was re-routed to someone who could actually make a decision on my application.  

Turns out the representative I talked to was wrong. I had completed my application accurately, but the insurance company’s computer networking system failed to move my application forward for processing. They pushed my application through that day, and I had a new insurance card by the end of the week.

Do you have any tips for bypassing gatekeepers? I’d love to hear them. Let me know by leaving a comment or question below this post.