By all accounts, most of us are successful from the outside looking in. We have professions, families, and can support ourselves and the tiny humans (or large humans) that depend on us.
We are doers. We do, do, do, and do until what needs to be done is handled.
But when it comes to the desires of our heart, the real goals that would change our lives and the way we feel about ourselves and our lives —like changing careers, traveling the world, acting, writing, producing, or putting ourselves out there to find the love of our lives — we talk.
And think. And think, and talk.
But we do very little to move the needle in the direction of our goal. Why?
Unless you were born with Kanye-level confidence, it’s because we don’t believe the dreams of our heart are attainable for us. Or to put it in more popular, woo-woo terms, we have limiting beliefs.
Fundamentally, a limiting belief is a misunderstanding about the present that changes our perception of what we can do in the future. Limiting beliefs create upper limits for our lives and stop us from achieving our goals. These thoughts tell us that certain things are possible for other people, just not for us.
Limiting beliefs aren’t our fault. We pick them up from our families, friends, culture, and past experiences. They happen to us, but we carry them around like luggage for the rest of our lives.
Limiting beliefs come in all different shapes and sizes. And in his book, The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks identified four common limiting thoughts. They are:
There also are other, more general categories of thought that limit us. These categories include:
When limiting beliefs creep in, they don’t come with a neon sign that says, “Hi, I am a limiting belief!” Though that would be helpful.
What will happen is that when we start to think about something we really want for ourselves, we will begin to feel uncomfortable and scared that we might not achieve it.
So our thoughts and feelings will oscillate in negative ways to avoid the uncertainty and discomfort of trying to achieve a big goal that’s not guaranteed. We’ll start to rationalize, self-sabotage to destroy opportunities, and procrastinate.
Limiting beliefs are hard to route out because there usually is a kernel of truth at the core of the thought as well.
For example, the belief, “I don’t have enough money to do X,” may be true when you look at your bank account. But that thought doesn’t help you achieve your goal. In fact, it will probably stop you altogether.
A better thought might be, “there are other ways for me to make money to do X” or “there are low-cost alternatives to X. I just need to find them.” Those thoughts are much more empowering.
Although we may not be able to control when we acquire limiting beliefs, we do have the power to change them. The first step is recognizing when they come up in the first place.
What limiting beliefs have stopped you from pursuing or achieving a goal? Now that you know more about them, what might you do differently next time? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
This post was very well written and spot on!
